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bootwearinlibrarian
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Name: Sara Elizabeth
Birthday: 4/30/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: reading, singing, acting, traveling, animals, gossiping (discreetly and tastefully, of course), dancing, torturing my brother, corrupting my sister...
Expertise: Trying to be funny and failing, being funny not on purpose, being funny in the head, sometimes looking/smelling/spelling funny...
just generally being insane. *toothy grin*
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  violapatience
Member Since:
5/7/2004
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| Greetings from Lyon! I have had very sketchy internet access so I haven't been able to update very well, but I've been trying to write things on my laptop in order to upload later. Here is a post that I wrote about a week ago about my first few weeks. .......................................... September 24, 2007 La Course In the previous post I was going to wax expansive on my experiences so far, but at the moment I can not really see things in that static light. It’s been only a little over a week now and things are racing by. The first week after I arrived, I: Was picked up by a tired bishop at the airport. (And there was no security, no passport control, no nothing!! I couldn’t believe it!) Had a long conversation about French politics and the immigration problem with the Orthodox lady with whom I stayed Sat. night. Attended the services in French Sat night and Sun morning, so nice. Pleased that I could understand the sermon very well. Rushed from church in Paris to get on the train to Lyon; waited around for a bit but my friends finally found me. Moved in to my friend Marie’s little apartment, her parents fussed over us like old hens. That night after they left Marie and I took the metro from her part of town and went for a walk on Old Lyon. Very pretty and can’t wait to explore it more. Monday, I think – went to Marie’s school with her and checked my email; went shopping and bought some black clothes. Have had a feeling of a neon sign shouting “Foreigner!!” over my head, hoping that wearing more black will help me fit in, ha ha. It is really not as if everyone wears all black – but I do think that it will help me fit in because the coolest French people wear black. *eye roll at oneself* But seriously. I really want to fit in, it’s nerve-wracking to stick out. Tuesday: Spend a lot of time in the morning again checking email, facebook, etc online at Marie’s school. Went with one of her friends who was on an errand as well to the Prefecture (local government) to see about getting my residency card. There were a zillion foreigners there so we merely took note of how long of a line it would be and left. Tuesday night, had a serious talk with Marie and learned her serious doubts and fears concerning her faith, life, etc. It’s so hard… It’s really hard to see someone feeling so isolated and confused. I don’t have all the answers, and it’s especially hard to explain or deal with the fact that I have had a lot of external support for my faith that she hasn’t had… But she has a whole complex of problems. Wednesday: Checked emails, etc, but mostly relaxed, I think. Thursday: Went to the Prefecture again with Francoise (Marie’s mom) but still were no where near getting to see someone. There were a HUNDRED PEOPLE ahead of us, I exaggerate not. Were forced to leave because I had a rendez-vous at the school in the afternoon. That went nicely; I felt rather intimidated because it is a big school and I don’t feel as if I look much older than the students (but honestly, I was afraid of looking at them too closely). But the English teachers that I met seem incredibly nice . What is it about teachers that they all have the same ambiance about them? Because they really did have the same feeling about them as do of the teachers I knew at my high school. Except that these ones are cool and French. [Note upon which I may expand later: Yes, the French really are cooler than we are]. When we got back from that errand we found Marie in the process of having a gigantic meltdown because it was the last day for her to register for school and she was having some sort of technical difficulties. That and she just had a sort of all-purpose-agh-I-can’t-take-life-anymore meltdown. We went a friend’s house, Georges Noblet who is also Orthodox and a restorer of paintings and a fantastic photographer, and used his internet to work on Marie’s thing. We worked on that, seemed like it was mostly taken care of, and then we spent time looking at his photographs which are soon to be published in a book. They really are beautiful and it was wonderful to watch Patrick (Marie’s dad), who is a beautiful painter, ooh and ah and wax eloquent about them with Georges. Very edifying. You can find Georges Noblet’s photos, by the way, online. Look them up. Might be able to find some of Patrick’s work as well (his last name is Chanoz), but I haven’t tried that before. Things seemed to calm down somewhat but then we had another meltdown in the car on the way to Marie’s parents’ house for the weekend because they had to tell her that her guinea pig had died a few days ago. What a day. Friday, I accomplished the two very useful errands of opening a bank account (otherwise I could neither get paid nor rent an apartment or…) and getting a cell phone, as well as making several phone calls to figure out logistics for the residency card and finding an apartment. Thank God, I was so relieved to finally get some things done. It’s nice to have a cell phone again, but it’s really only to receive calls for the most part, because as I didn’t want to buy a plan it is insanely expensive. 35 euros for an hour and a half!! Outrageous. But at least it’s free for me to receive calls and the phone works throughout Europe – though it is not free to receive calls outside of France. Grr. Saturday took some well deserved rest and a little walk through the countryside at Marie’s parents’ house. The countryside where they live is so, so beautiful. Gently rolling green hills, lots of charming houses bunched together… It’s hard to explain but I’ll try to post some pictures later. Unfortunately we didn’t have services that weekend as there isn’t a priest here and so the bishop comes every other week or so. Sunday morning we read some prayers and went for modest a hike in the Alps. Oh my goodness, it is so wonderful to be in mountains again. It is breathtaking even to see them in the distance, as you can from Chanoz house. When I had a few moments of tranquility and went outside, breathed the sweet air and saw the gentle mountains rising in the distance… I was overcome by some unlooked-for wave of emotion. It’s easy to forget if you live in suburban Detroit, but beautiful places still exist on this earth. Sometimes France is so beautiful it makes me cry. | | |
| What should one do when one is feeling incredibly nervous about the work one has not yet done? Why update one's xanga, of course. While listening to Dashboard Confessional. It's amazing how one can listen to the same songs countless times ( emo ones!!) and enjoy them so much. Actually, maybe I just AM emo. Eh heh... I'm totally rocking out to "Hands Down" in the Mossey Library of Hillsdale College, Hillsdale, MI "Virtus Tentamine Gaudet" and all that. I'm kind of afraid of being seen by one of the prim [ie sane] people who work around here as I lip sync with all the natural feeling...
Anyway, for those of you who didn't know, I'm here in Hillsdale as of last week and until the end of this one finishing The Paper from Heck. Actually, it's not that bad... I just need to not drive myself crazy. Which is a lot to ask, to be honest, but I think I can (or rather, shan't) do it. I've been staying with Joylynn Thiessen and we've been having a nice chill time together. It was super nice to agree to have me for this time, and on such last minute notice. I literally decided to run down here at 8 pm a week before yesterday, and by 10 pm I had gotten Joy to so kindly agree to have me, arranged things with my parents and my job, and figured out various and sundry other things. Then I drove down here the next day. It was crazy.
But as I said, Joy and I are having a nice time. On Tuesday we went grocery shopping and found out that we are both into cheese, so we began bonding right away. And Joy said she didn't know anything about wine, so we had to get some things for her to try. Discovery: Chianti is amazing with Cheezits. And oven-cooked frozen cheese pizza. Classy, right? Joy has also introduced me to the joys of Raspberry Bacardi and Cherry Coke, as well as Corona consumed while playing Double Dash (Mario racing game for Xbox). I know, it sounds like a lot... but we just kept feeling like celebrating - why, it's hard to say. Maybe "Why not?" would be a more valid question. And Why Not indeed. We need to decompress, and we're being very restrained about it, honestly. It's still funny though.
We have also gotten addicted to The Office together, and to our embarrassment, have been to Family Video about 5 times since I got here. The people there now know us by name... Hey, there isn't much else to do around here, ok? But seriously, The Office is an AMAZING show. So. Hilarious. I'm not sure which is better, that or Arrested Development. They're both genius.
So yeah, hanging out, having girl talk, blowing our money on booze and movies... that would be the basic summary of the past few days. It's been good.
The only problem with Joy is that she can't keep up with my walking addiction, ha ha. On Friday we went to Baw Beese and I wore her out on a walk that was at least an hour long. But it was good, we had a really good talk of stuff that we'd thought about probably a lot but never brought up. We got to know each other so much better, and it was great.
On Saturday I went for a walk by myself in the neighborhood around Joy's apartment, and it was beautiful. I discovered a cute little park by a pond, and then just beyond it, a little bit of woods set a side for school kid's study of science, according to a sign. It was so wonderful, because it was one of those more cloudy, rainy and misty days that I like so much (coming from Colorado, they still feel a treat), and so the greens were just riotous. A cacophony. It was just such a rich, soft place; probably it has some kind of people that tend it once in a while, so it feels friendly (the paths are dirt, but nicely clear), but it is still very natural. Fairytale like, really. I was walking along, trying to figure out where this particular bird was that was squeaking so loudly (it sounded like a baby bird, so I was looking for a nest up in the tree tops), when I stumbled upon a softly lit clearing where two red deer were blending into the shadows. They were really special, not the usual big, rather ratty brown ones that hang around campus, but small, dainty things, so pretty as to be suggestive of how people must have thought up unicorns. [Unless unicorns once actually existed - poll, anyone?] So we stared at each other a bit, trying to be polite and not quite managing it, and then I tramped on. Sort of got lost, following a stream bed in hopes that it was actually a path or led somewhere interesting, but then found my way back to the entrance. (It's rather a shame, though, that a forest has an entrance.) Just as I was leaving I heard some funny chirping and saw two chipmunks chasing each other. Perfect.
I just felt so happy and peaceful.
Recently I have been saying the Akathist to Our Lady almost every day (actually, I think I've only missed two days during the past almost two weeks now) as a sort of antibiotic for various sadnesses and stresses I've been having. It's interesting, once in a while in life one comes upon something that one thinks one really wants and needs, but for equally serious reasons one can't have it, and it's just awful. Then one just has to start over and start praying again, in earnest for the first time in ages. The Akathist is a beautiful medicine for all sorts of ills because it is praising, it is giving thanks, but it is also it is reminding one of what one should be, as the Theotokos is the most perfect example for us of Creation. And in each verse in which we praise her, behind that is a silent prayer that we become more like her and more united to Christ. It is such a rich prayer, so varied and glorious. I can just be happy meditating Our Lady - not even for what she has done for us, but just on who she is, that she exists.
Ekos 1
An archangel was sent from heaven to say to the Theotokos,
Rejoice! And beholding Thee, O Lord, taking bodily form, he was amazed,
and with his bodiless voice he stood crying to her such things as these:
Rejoice, thou through whom joy will shine forth!
Rejoice thou through whom the curse will cease!
Rejoice, revival of fallen Adam!
Rejoice, redemption of the tears of Eve!
Rejoice, height inaccessible for human thought!
Rejoice, depth indiscernible even
for the eyes of the angels!
Rejoice, for thou art the King's throne!
Rejoice, for thou bearest Him who bears all!
Rejoice, star that causest the Sun to appear!
Rejoice, womb of the Divine Incarnation!
Rejoice, thou through whom creation is renewed!
Rejoice, thou through whom we worship the Creator!
Rejoice, thou Bride Unwedded!
So I've just been trying to kick down the tin walls of this toy fortress I build for myself and to see the palace I'm already living in...
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It was rather overwhelming: on Sunday, a friend of mine was driving through Hillsdale on an errand and left me a message on my cursed cell phone of which I could only hear something about her wanting to stop by because she might never see me again. I thought she was just kidding, as I will be going to France in the fall and everything, but when she came over it was actually more serious. In fact, she had gone on a vocational retreat (I had no idea what that meant, but I found out), and during it began to very seriously consider entering into the monastic life. I just couldn't believe it. This friend of mine (and I'm not saying who it is, just in case she wants to tell other people about it herself who might by some slim chance read this blog) is so dear to me, like my younger sister, and I'd never thought of that for her. Undoubtedly there are people who know her more intimately than I do and would not have been suprised - but still! When your little sister tells you that she wants to die to the world, leave everyone behind, and become a different person, it's pretty hard not to be floored - terrified, really!
Of course, shocked, I questioned her about it, and suggested that it
was something she should make sure to take a lot of time to consider.
Looking at her, I just couldn't imagine it. Tall and thin and pretty -heck, a dozen guys have been in love with her - it actually hurt to picture her in a nun's habit. And I don't mean that in a superficial way: of course the celibate life is
not "just for" the less attractive and popular of us human beings, what
an absurd idea. But this is MY FRIEND, whom I might first associate
with the words bubbly, energetic, and even that frightully trite word for those of us familiar with the American Girls series, zany. She's just so young.
Yet as I've gotten to know her better, I've often worried about her because her
'zanyness' is actually only an incomplete view of something extremely
erratic and even bipolar in her personality. She seemed to suffer a great deal from things that most people would be able to handle. I know that may sound rich coming from me, who has been an emotional bungee jumper this past semester, but I'm still pretty sure that I'm fundamentally a great deal more stable than my friend is. For the most part, however, I've chalked up her problems
to family tendencies, her age, various circumstances... I believed that the problems she was having just needed time and that she would eventually be fine and have a "normal" life.
When she told me that she hadn't really ever wanted to be a wife or a mother, at first I didn't believe her: I thought that she was just being girlish.
But when I think about it again... it might be right. I actually believed her when she said that all she wanted was Christ. Maybe that's really been her problem. This would fill in all the gaps in her life; living without this might be the reason that she is so fragile.
And of course she's had doubts. She said she would think of her friends and her family, and wonder how she could leave them... but when she was in the prescence of the Eucharist, she realized that that made up for everything. It's incredible and wonderful to me that this could happen within her, and in the end, it makes me so joyous. In a way it's also heartbreaking, of course, because she's Catholic, and I believe that that is still not the fullness of the faith. But if she truly loves Christ and follows Him as she can, how can I not be happy about it? Christ breaks down the boundaries that seperate all of us, and I said that to her. Definetly broke down at that point. It was funny: she said, "Why are you crying? I'm not even crying yet!" But she cried too not long after, so ha! It was quite the emotional evening.
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Er... I've definetly spent several hours writing this post. Started it yesterday. Maybe I should go now... dinner and writing more of that paper might be good. Seven out of twenty-five pages, and it's due Friday! I think that by the grace of God I will do it, though.
I love you all.
Sara
PS: Er, and as a final note: talking about Mary, above, is really not an invitation to get into some sort of debate about her. I really don't like those because I don't like it when people are running the risk of blasphmeming... Please, my non-Orthodox, non-Catholic friends, just let this illustrate for you how we feel about her.
Of course, if you have questions you may ask them. I just beg of you, be careful. This is Christ's mother, after all.
You wouldn't want to be disrespectful of the mother of a friend, much less the mother of our Savior.
-sea-
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| Er, I posted the below more than a week ago at 3 in the morning. While somewhat delirious, so I kept it private. I've thought about going back and editing it, but then I decided that that would be rather dishonest of me; I might as well not try to cover up the fact that I am a ridiculous person. The concerns were mostly over the 'poetry,' of course. Uh, just think of them as verbal doodlings, okay?
Going to try to write a real post later.
Sara
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| How utterly maddening. First of all, it's three in the morning and I'm extremely awake. Secondly, now that I'm a COLLEGE GRADUATE and I'm going to have a lot more time on my hands and actually want to use this, of course I only have eighteen days left of my premium subscription. Thank you, Mr. Murphy, for your incredibly useless law.
So I must have lain in bed for at least an hour already and my mind wouldn't stop chattering - heck, some of it was downright inspired. I thought of all the things there are to think about now, and do, and write...And I thought I should get up and record some of those bits of brilliance tinkling around in my brain while they still seemed so shiny. Which they probably won't be when I really get up... I thought about getting up and reading the Akathist to our Lady... And then I thought about the bottle of Southern Comfort sitting on top of our refrigerator, which could silence all those tiresome brilliant thoughts (which intrude terribly into any sort of prayer), smooth away the cramp in my neck and shoulder with a warm hand, and float me happily away into much-welcome unconsciousness.
So I'm compromising. The SoCo is doing it's job nicely... it really warms one up...mmm. I am compelled address here, however, any querulous inquiries concerning some budding alcoholism. These one must heartily refute. This is not just any day, after all - I've come home from school for good. Feeling the inevitable and natural sense of destiny and portent hanging over life, you know? It's a very strange and exciting sensation, and notions are bubbling up all over one's boggy consciousness. If there is any day (and to specify, well hour of the morning) to drink, I would think it would be now. Or this past Friday - er, though I feel a bit bad about some of that evening/morning... But I can't help but be proud that I graduated with a hangover. It's just so hilarious and perfect for someone so generally straitlaced as yours truly. And this morning, now that we're safely home (my friend Sarah who is staying with me had an ordeal moving), I'm feeling poetic.
It was such a beautiful day today. I was walking across the (anti)Quad for the last time (or probably for the second or third to last time - I kept finding more library books to return) and the grass and the trees seemed more luxurious and radiant than ever.
The shadows of leaves make smooth pools in the grass -
If only one could slip into those soft abysses, and Forget.
But rising up, the trees, though gracious, are unbending.
True Friends, they stand in sky and sunlight,
Saluting every direction,
But most especially the East.
One needs Remember - but What?.
... I really need to learn something about poetry - it's pitiful. Majored in English, too-! And I really haven't learned much about it yet... I just haven't read enough, and haven't read it aloud frequently enough.
It's so strange that the year is over. What am I going to do without my friends? Really need to write a memoir of everything, it was such a remarkable year. Jodi really made me realize that. She was so quiet on Saturday, and said that she was just thinking over everything that has happened. It's worth thinking about, maybe more than of my years before. But of course I only feel that way because it is so immediate. If only we could hang on to everything. We were meant to have everything. But Now, we can't. Not in this world.
There have been so many beautiful heart-to-heart talks. One late, emotional evening with Jodi -it's a hazardous job, you know, being my neighbor - I choked out the statment that I could spend my entire life just loving one person. Jodi, at the moment rather overwrought herself, still could laugh at this statment. I know it was hyperbolic, but I meant it; even if I couldn't fully explain what I meant, which was that at that moment, thinking of even a few of my friends, or even of the people I could only claim as acquaintances, I was overwhelmed by how vast and beautiful and mysterious each individual God has made is. At Hillsdale, of course, surrounded by so many delicious people, this truth is so easy to percieve. Now one just has to pray for the lifetime achievement of seeing the Image in everyone, even in those whom one wants most to despise.
It seems as if this year, I am giving a lot of advice and being a sort of mother or matriach to so many. I love to take care of people, but seeing myself as someone that is worth looking up to is frightening and disturbing. Maybe I can explain this by this: So many people, including me, and me perhaps even more than most - look up to my father so much. And he deserves it, and yet he has said with utmost sincerity (and probably utmost truth) that there is so much filth that he must shovel out of his soul. Good grief, how bad is mine going to be, it that case?! I need to pray so much.
How can one offer gifts with broken hands?
Sweet Breath of Life, inhaled, is breathed back but poison,
Sullied from the mire within.
Lord, grant me tears
To cleanse the passions of my Flesh,
To open the eyes of my soul,
So that in receiving, I may Recieve,
And in Granting, I may Grant.
Hearts are best offered up in pieces.
Hmm, I am supposed to get up in three hours. Thank goodness the 'medicine' is kicking in. I know my 'poetry' needs a lot of work - is well nigh terrible, in fact. And I know that am directly quoting some prayers, of course - those parts aren't bad, it's just the way I use them. But anyway. Good night.
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Most Holy Theotokos, save us.
Through the prayers of our holy fathers, O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God have mercy on us and save us, Amen.
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| Who Should Paint You: Salvador Dali |
 You're a complex, intense creature who displays many layers.
There's no way a traditional portrait could ever capture you! |
Thanks Emily, for this totally entertaining quiz.
And in case you were wondering, no, I do not have a life. At least, not at 10:40 at night when I'm totally worn out and know I have to get up at 6:45 tomorrow morning...
And now for some more entertainment...
| Your New Year's Resolutions |
 1) Get a pet rooster
2) Eat less brussel sprouts
3) Travel to Russia
4) Study japanese pop culture
5) Get in shape with whitewater rafting |
Again... wha??? All it said was, "What do you wish for for this year?" And all I wrote was 'peace,' because, well, I'm tired. And this is what it came up with. That's it, I think it's time to go to bed.
WAIT! WAIT!! Argh! This quiz has a grammar error! It should be "eat fewer brussels sprouts."
*signs disconsolately*
*goes to bed* | | |
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